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She was an avid reader of my weekly column “Boom, Ghosted,” and she had a feeling she knew why a lot of these guys were ghosting these girls.
She felt they suffered from the same personality disorder her own ex (who also ghosted her) has.
You might feel like you’re being held hostage, worrying that your family member will injure themselves if you don’t appease them.
You may wonder whether you should let them borrow money again or answer the dozens of voicemails they left on your phone.
The disorder is called “borderline personality disorder” (BPD), and she was certain it was the explanation behind lots of the installments in my column. Niloo Dardashti, a psychologist and relationship expert in New York City, to figure out if there was any truth to what this reader was talking about. Dating someone with BPD comes with its own unique challenges —including, sometimes, an increased likelihood of being ghosted. Dardashti defines BPD as a “personality disorder characterized by people who experience emotions very intensely and often have trouble regulating their emotions and tolerating the stress.”People who suffer from BPD tend to see things as very black and white. The disorder is what she calls a “bio-psycho-social issue,” meaning that there are biological, psychological and social factors all playing into it On the social front of the “bio-psycho-social” issue, lots of people with BPD have a history of chronic invalidation from someone who was around them a lot.
As a result, some people with BPD (There's a spectrum of severity when it comes to the disorder.) may be very sensitive to feeling invalidated. Dardashti, straight up, “Do you think it's fair to say there's a link between ghosting and BPD?
Dealing with borderline personality disorder requires skills for deescalating crises and fostering independence in your loved one.
With the right tools and community strategies, it is possible to help your loved one towards recovery.
Of course, this came crumbling down the moment we began experiencing issues.
Small issues, yes, but they seemed like the entire world to me; she would forget to text me in the morning, and I would convince myself that she hated me.
We would get into a small argument, and my anger would be so real and palpable that momentarily, it would consume me– but then an hour later she would tell me that she loved me, and I would melt back into contentment.
Foundational problems of this kind leave men vulnerable to being seduced and manipulated by these women.
You may be extremely accomplished and successful--but the Borderline will methodically learn what's when a woman leaves--but a Borderline leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed, castrated, unlovable, emasculated, worthless, etc.